Cooking Rice

Occasionally, people ask me about cooking rice. I always say:

“First you get out your rice cooker.”

At this point, they might ask, “Well, what if I don’t have a rice cooker?”

In that case, my answer starts:

“Well, first you go buy a rice cooker.” I will state without proof that if you ask most people of East Asian heritage how to cook rice, the first thing they’ll tell you is to get a rice cooker. This is because they don’t know how to make rice because their parents had a rice cooker, and their grandparents had a rice cooker, and their relatives all had rice cookers, and all their friends families had rice cookers. Here is why. This is how you cook perfect rice with a rice cooker:

1. Put rice in the cooker. 2. Maybe rinse it if you are supposed to. 3. Fill with water up to the appropriate line. 4. Turn on the cooker. 5. Go play Halo 2 until the cooker pops.

This is all I know about cooking rice. In fact, many of my most disastrous kitchen debacles involve trying to cook rice on the stove. I just don’t do it anymore.

One final note: please none of that crappy pre-cooked rice. Get nice California rice. Minute Rice is a crime against humanity and Uncle Ben’s should be grounds for criminal prosecution. I’ll hurt you if I catch you.

One more final note: perfect rice is sticky, but with a light fluffy texture. The rice should stick together though, since this facilitates consumption with chopsticks. The main reason Uncle Ben’s is a crime is the fact that the rice does not stick to itself. Why anyone would do this on purpose is a mystery to me, but the rice I get in most non-Asian restaurants is like this. The Italians have it right though, with their risotto.

Where to buy a rice cooker

Here is a nice cheap one from Amazon.

Here is an [ expensive one from Amazon]( etail/-/B00007J5U7/theusualsuspepat

). Use this for Sushi Rice.