Pants!

It’s been a while since the last top ten list. You know what that means.

Today’s topic: famous quotations that are improved if you replace one of the nouns with the word “pants.” Some of the sources are obvious, some are a little more obscure. The tag of whoever suggested a particular twisted quote follows each quote in italics. Feel free to ask for attributions for the original quotes or contribute your own entries in the comments.

“It is bitter – bitter,” he answered; “But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my pants.” [peterb]

Hope is the thing with trousers. [peterb]

Cover her face; my pants dazzle; she died young. [agroce] If you meet the Buddha on the road, pants him. [visigoth]

Qui du cul d’un chien s’amourose, Il lui parait un pantalon. [peterb]

Lasciate ogni pantaloni, voi ch’entrate. [peterb]

The pants that can be named are not the true pants. [sdavis]

Into what dangers would you lead me, Cassius, That you would have me seek into my pants, For that which is not in them? [mahim]

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our pants, But in ourselves. [agroce]

Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of pants. [visigoth]

Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your pants. [peterb]

You’re one microscopic cog In his catastrophic plan Designed and directed by his Red Right Pants [agroce]

My god, it’s full of pants. [sdavis]

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for pants. [agroce]

Pants first; morals later. [peterb]

Scandal is pants made tedious by morality. [visigoth]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of pants. [agroce]

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate pants. [rlink]

Of all the pants, in all the towns, in all the world … she walks into mine. [mahim]

In the beginning there was the word, and that word was “pants” [sdavis]

Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their pants. [dpelleg]

I’m shocked, shocked to find that pants are going on in here! [agroce]

Some pants! Some pants! My kingdom for some pants! [tomault]

In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. You’ll have your nice pants and I’ll have mine. [peterb]

And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure pants to replenish our precious bodily fluids. [sdavis]

Oh Pants, thou art sick! The invisible worm That flies in the night, in the howling storm

Has found out thy seams Of crimson joy. And with his dark secret love, does thy thread destroy. [jch]

Man I ain’t getting nowhere just sitting in pants like this There’s something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is. [mahim]

Something zippered this way comes. [peterb]

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the pants you may never get over. [rlink]

Look, Daddy! Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his pants! [visigoth]

Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, pants? [clamen]

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in pants. [krevis]

I should have been a pair of ragged pants Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. [agroce]

In pants, no one can hear you scream. [rlink]

Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The pantsless again shall be king. [peterb]

It is by pants alone I set my mind in motion. [visigoth]

The pants of the many outweigh the pants of the few. [sdavis]

Socialism needs democracy like the human body needs pants. [visigoth]

A man without religion is like a fish without pants. [peterb]

The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his pants. [tomault]

Despair thy charm; And let the angel whom thou still hast served Tell thee, Macduff was from his pants Untimely ripp’d. [jch]

Look on my pants, ye mighty, and despair. [nlanza]

I only regret that I have but one pair of pants to give for my country. [psu]

(the full, unedited list may be found here.)