The Legend of Zelda: Gamers are MoronsJul 7, 2005 · psu · 2 minute read
Today I have a simple question. I was playing the GBA port of Zelda: Link to the Past and was searching the interweb for clues into the flow of the game. What I found was a universe full of material about another matter entirely. You will recall that when Wind Waker was originally released, a lot of people complained about the “childish” look of the game. Having never seen any of the other games, I hadn’t thought much about this, and figured the kids were just pissed off because the new game was different. But apparently I was wrong.
As always, I had completely underestimated the psychotic idiocy of the true fan- boy. So here is my question. The Zelda games all tell the same basic story of a small man/boy who wears green tights and runs around a fantasy land after a Princess who, apparently, has been kidnapped over 15 dozen times in order to find magic items and save the world from pure evil. In addition, as far as I can tell, Wind Waker is a game with literally dozens of little design problems. There is the stupid camera system, the awkward combat mechanics, the annoying inventory management, the endless sailing, the stupid jumping puzzles, the slavish adherence to the same old tired form and plot, the sloppy controls, the boring boss battles, and most of all, the evil and idiotic save system. And, in the face of all of this, the main complaint that you can muster is that the look of the game is not “mature” or “realistic”? Are you fucking nuts? It’s a child’s fantasy story, and all of the games look like just that, a child’s fantasy story. Get over it.
Yes, I realize I am a bad person for not liking this game that much.