The Cars Make the Man

What we drive speaks volumes about us. But sometimes, the message that we think we’re giving off isn’t the message everyone hears. The Car | The Owner Thinks | Everyone Else Thinks
—|—|—
Any minivan | “I am a responsible mother, dedicated to the safety of my children.” | “These annoying breeders are everywhere.”
Any SUV | “I am not driving a minivan. See this car? Not a minivan. It cost twice as much, because it is definitely not a minivan.” | “Great. Now the really stupid breeders are everywhere too.”
Toyota Prius | “I care about the environment” | “If he really cared about the environment, he’d be using public transit.”
Honda Element | “How come the guy in the Prius is getting dates with all the hippie chicks?” | “Clowns are scary.”
BMW Z3 | “Ahhhh, German engineering.” | “You are driving a chick car.”
Porsche Boxster | “I am sporty, yet sophisticated.” | “He couldn’t afford a Porsche 911”
Porsche 911 | “I have an 8 inch penis.” | “He is bald.”
Ferrari 360 Modena | “I don’t care what you think of me, because my trophy wife is 40 years younger than me.” | “I got nothin’.”
Camaro | “I’m gonna go down to Donzi’s tonight and score.” | “I thought dinosaurs were extinct.”
Ford Escort/Focus | “I am economical.” | “He is cheap.”
Subaru WRX | “Check out my Rallisport style!” | “At least he doesn’t have those spinning hubcaps.”

Feel free to add entries in the comments as appropriate.

P.S.: On one final note, I couldn’t find a place for the Porsche Cayenne in this table, because I can’t imagine what anyone who buys it could possibly be thinking. But I just wanted to assure all of you Cayenne owners out there: the rest of us think you’re utter cocks.

P.P.S.: I humped your hummer (via green la girl).