Dear Internet Forums: While I love you for the wonderful capacity you have for the intelligent and thoughtful exchange of useful information with others from around the world, I am wondering if you could do me one little favor.

I’m wondering if y’all could simply keep track of which god-damned messages in a thread I have actually read rather than just the threads I’ve looked at since the last time you stamped a cookie on me? I mean, is this really that god-damned hard? After all, USENET did all the way back in 1984.