Why Orlowski Hates Google

Even in an article ostensibly about Sun and Microsoft, Andrew Orlowski can’t help throwing in some foaming-at-the-mouth about how Google is evil. Someone asked “Geez, what did Google ever do to Orlowski that he’s such a nutbar where Google is concerned?” and this of course led to:

Top (Fictional) Reasons Orlowski Hates Google

13. His wife made out with Google CEO at wild party, who bragged to all of his friends. [peterb]

12. Google sold him oregano, claiming it was marijuana. [peterb]

11. Google cut in front of Orlowski in the lunch line, using “frontsies- backsies.” [peterb]

10. Killed his dog [jch.z]

9. Gets 10x more hits for Google-bashing articles than for anything else he writes [jch.z]

8. Did not enjoy being beta-tester for “gWedgies” [jeffrey]

7. The other night in Counterstrike Google kept headshotting him, leading Orlowski to conclude that Google must be using a hacked client! [peterb]

6. Orlowski secretly has a crush on Google; pulls Google’s pigtails and calls it nasty names so that no one guesses. [peterb]

5. Google keeps putting flaming bags of poop on doorstep, ringing bell, running away giggling [goob]

4. Sick of Google calling house, asking to speak to “Michael Hunt” [peterb]

3. “…And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you damn Google kids!” [peterb]

2. Finds orlowski.google.com creepy and intimidating [goob]

1. Bad memories of being an altarboy for Father O’Google [jeffrey]

Additional Resources

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