Games I Don't Get

Lego Star Wars. OK, so it’s a postmodern fusion of the Star Wars movies with LEGO design sensibilities.

Alright. I can accept that.

Oh, Lego Liam Neeson. How you entice me.

I can be a Hello-Kitty-style-Lego-Liam-Neeson, wandering around a ship waving a lightsaber. A Lego lightsaber.

I’m down with that.

Fun, lighthearted gameplay. Check. Generous savepoints and light-to- nonexistent penalties for death. Right up my alley.

But there’s one game mechanic that is very, very odd, in terms of narrative. Just about every object in the game can be destroyed. When things blow up, they turn into money. You then use the money at the bar – it turns out that Lego Jedis are serious alcoholics, who knew – to buy upgrades and slaves.

So I can deal with being a Lego man. I can deal with being a Lego Liam Neeson. I can deal with being a cute little Lego Liam Neeson with a cute little Lego frowny face running around kicking ass with a lightsabre in his hand.

But I can’t deal with being a cute little Lego Liam Neeson with a cute little Lego frowny face running around kicking ass with a lightsabre and trashing the place like I’m Keith Moon because I can take the twisted remains of the furniture and pawn them for cash. It turns out that that’s where I draw the line.