Short Food Questions

I find myself confronted by the same food questions over and over again. Here are a few that have been bothering me lately. 1. I was in a rest stop on the turnpike yesterday. I bought a coke out of a vending machine. The coke was warm. This is not an uncommon occurrence these days. What kind of cruel world do we live in where cokes you buy out of a cooler or vending machine are warm? Shouldn’t they lock the damn thing down until the drinks are cold?

2. This has always bothered me: why is flour-less chocolate cake considered cake? It has no flour. It has no texture. It’s just a brick of brown sludge. What’s the point?

3. How does Starbucks make a 2 shot iced latte that tastes like nothing but milk? (Yes I was at Starbucks. I was on the turnpike).

4. What kind of mutant actually likes that super sweet ISO standard American birthday cake icing? In a world where you can cover a cake in butter cream, this icing shit should die and never come back.

5. Why do people think that undercooking apples in pie and tarts is a good idea? Here’s a hint: the apple in the pie should not have texture or bite or even the tiniest hint of crunch. If it does, you have failed.

6. The last one is not a question. Krispy Kreme donuts suck. A proper donut is cakey and substantial. For example, the New England style cider donut. Don’t argue with me. You know it’s true. That is all.