Revised Planetary Mnemonic Update

Dear Astronomers:

You seem to be having some trouble making up your minds deciding which of the celestial bodies orbiting our star is a planet. I read your revised definitions where you explain that Pluto is “not a planet” but is a “dwarf planet” (could you make that any more confusing?).

You are lost. But do not fear. I am hear to lead you to the truth. What you have is a complex document that was hammered out based on political considerations. What you need is a definition that is simple, crisp, and conforms to basic scientific principles. Thanks to my 35 years as Professor Emeritus and head of the Astronomy department at Universität Göttingen (footnote 1), I can succeed where you have failed. Here is the definition you should use:

Planet – A planet is any celestial body orbiting around the sun that is mentioned in the Schoolhouse Rock song and video Interplanet Janet.

You’re welcome. I hope that clears things up.

The video for Interplanet Janet is [ available on iTunes]( com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewVideo?id=122580543&p=123015257&s=143441).

Footnote 1: I am lying.