Tea Leaves

The problem with White Russians is that they’re very 1986. The other problem is that to make them, you have to buy a bottle of Kahlua, and now you have a bottle of liqueur that you can only use for White (and Black) Russians.

I was thinking about this today, and realized that I wanted something White-Russian-like (in the sense of “somewhat sweet, somewhat girly, likely to be served in a casino”). But I didn’t want a drink that tastes like coffee. The fact is that I like coffee enough that if I want a drink that tastes like coffee, and yet has alcohol, I will make coffee and then put booze in it.

At that moment I realized that I still had a bottle of Cointreau in the cabinet, and thus this drink was born. I’m sure it’s been independently invented in a thousand places, but mine was created to explicitly mirror the taste of the Good Humor truck orange creamsicles you had as a kid.

The recipe is simple:

• Two parts Cointreau.
• One part gold rum.
• One part heavy cream.

Serve (of course) over lots of ice.

There are people who will blanch at the thought of heavy cream in a drink, and will want to substitute half-and-half or milk. If you are one of these people and are not at imminent risk of heart disease the only thing I can say is: you are worthless and weak.

Now if I can only figure out a way to mimic the taste and texture of those Strawberry Shortcake ice cream bars in a cocktail. Hmm. I wonder how well Strawberry Quik, vodka, and wheat germ would work together…