In a press conference today, NASA Director Sean O’Keefe announced the preliminary findings of the Genesis space probe. Genesis, which succesfully engaged on a 3-year mission to explore
the solar winds before crashing to Earth when a parachute failed
to open, was salvaged from the Utah desert and moved to the clean
room facilities of the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena, California.
“Thanks to the hard work of the recovery team,” said O’Keefe,
“we have completed the processing and analysis of approximately
98% of the samples, and can now announce our preliminary
results: the ‘solar wind’ that is blowing from our Sun is
composed primarily of dirt.”
“The majority of the solar wind is silicon dioxide, comprised of particles
ranging in size from 0.063 to 2 mm, but a variety of other compounds
and substances are present in trace amounts, including alumina, ions of potassium
and magnesium, and nitrogen. Surprisingly, the particles we found
– despite their extraterrestrial origin — are very similar to topsoil
samples taken in southern Utah. While I don’t want to wax philosophical,
this coincidence does emphasize that the Earth is, indeed, a child of
the Sun. It really makes you marvel at the complexity of our Universe.”
In addition to determining the chemical composition of the solar wind,
NASA has announced other findings as well. “Many of the gold,
sapphire, silicon, and diamond wafers inside the Genesis capsule were
shattered, as if they had suffered some sort of blow, or severe
impact. This leads us to conclude that the solar wind is stronger
than we had previously imagined, and presents a potential risk to
near-Solar spaceflight. This may affect the design of future
spacecraft.”
O’Keefe was reluctant to discuss the crash itself, which has been
the latest in a string of embarassing equipment failures at NASA.
“Our engineers are still studying the data. Our current best
theory is that the constant buffeting during reentry caused
either an overabundance of bogons or a temporary dearth of
relions in the parachute release mechanism. Some of our
best quantum bogodynamicists are pursuing this path now, but really,
it’s far too soon to say for certain what caused the event.”
Inquiries about this article may be directed to nasa-genesis@tleaves.com.
Redmond and Olympia bound
Forgive me, but it's amusing even if it hurts
This might get me some hate mail from the space science fans, but here's a bit of a joke about the crashed Genesis Space Probe: In a press conference today, NASA Director Sean O'Keefe announced the preliminary findings of the Genesis space pr…
Were there any hints from what has been learned from the Genesis space probe pertaining to interaction between solar wind and Earth’s so-called “polar flip” events?”
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