Dear Astronomers:
You seem to be having some trouble making up your minds deciding which of the celestial bodies orbiting our star is a planet. I read your revised definitions where you explain that Pluto is “not a planet” but is a “dwarf planet” (could you make that any more confusing?).
You are lost. But do not fear. I am hear to lead you to the truth.
What you have is a complex document that was hammered out based on political considerations. What you need is a definition that is simple, crisp, and conforms to basic scientific principles. Thanks to my 35 years as Professor Emeritus and head of the Astronomy department at Universität Göttingen (footnote 1), I can succeed where you have failed. Here is the definition you should use:
Planet — A planet is any celestial body orbiting around the sun that is mentioned in the Schoolhouse Rock song and video Interplanet Janet.
You’re welcome. I hope that clears things up.
The video for Interplanet Janet is available on iTunes.
Footnote 1: I am lying.
Professor Berger, do you propose then, to include, the entirety of “her comet team” as planets? And how are we to know which planets are part of her team? Isn’t it true, in face, Professor Berger, that you have a personal financial interest in the trans-neptunian bodies?
As discussed by the Château-école du Pierre research team (see Tracking Anomaly JAN-1, a Methodological Analysis, Royal Sir Myles na gCopaleen Astronomical Society Press, Dalkey, 1976), Interplanet Janet’s comet team travels with her. If anything, they are satellites of Janet. That being said, Janet herself, being a galaxy girl, has intentionality and freedom of motion, and thus is not “in orbit” around our Sun. Considering them to be “planets” is thus obviously wrong, as well as potentially insulting to our visiting Solar System Ms.