It started, as it always does, with a random connection, a set of neurons in my brain that misfired in an amusing way.

Someone was talking about how someone they knew was wearing hideous pants. The word “hideous” made me think of a book by the execrable C.S. Lewis (yes, the Narnia one) called That Hideous Strength. This book is about the Asskicking Jesus. Earth is under threat from space aliens, so the Asskicking Jesus flies to Mars to beat them up until they stop.

No, really. That’s what the book is about. I swear. God, I really hate C.S. Lewis.

Anyway, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I had blurted out, as if it were the title of a book, “THOSE HIDEOUS PANTS”. And we were off to the races. We changed the rules about halfway through, but it doesn’t really matter. Even though we’ve done this before, it’s still pure comedy gold.

Enjoy, and as always, feel free to add your own.

    65. C.S. Lewis, THOSE HIDEOUS PANTS [peterb]

    64. A STRANGER IN STRANGE PANTS [fpereira]

    63. THE MAN FROM P.A.N.T.S. [peterb]

    62. CONSIDER CHINOS [fpereira]

    61. THE USE OF PANTS [fpereira]

    60. THE LEFT PANTS OF DARKNESS [goob]

    59. DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC PANTS ? [shafeeq]

    58. BRAVE NEW PANTS [fpereira]

    57. THE SHAPE OF PANTS TO COME [fpereira]

    56. I HAVE NO PANTS, BUT I MUST DRESS [psu]

    55. PANTS NINE FROM OUTER SPACE
    [sdavis]

    54. THE PANTS OF NAVARRONE [shafeeq]

    53. FORBIDDEN TROUSER [peterb]

    52. A STRANGER IN SOME STRANGE PANTS [goob]

    51. SUEDE RUNNER [mahim]

    50. PANTS ATTACK ! [shafeeq]

    49. METROPOPANTS
    [sdavis]

    48. PANTS-in-the-Mist [baird]

    47. PANTS ON A PLANE
    [sdavis]

    46. SOMETHING PANTSLESS THIS WAY COMES [goob]

    45. PANTSLAND [tomault]

    44. THE PANTS OF CTHULHU [tomault]

    43. THE PANTS MACHINE [goob]

    42. MURDER IN THE RUE PANTS
    [sdavis]

    41. SLACKERS [baird]

    40. THE REDISCOVERY OF PANTS [psu]

    39. THE DREAM QUEST OF UNKNOWN PANTS
    [shafeeq]

    38. LIKE WATER FOR GAUCHOS [peterb]

    37. THE MAN IN THE IRON DOCKERS [agroce]

    36. PANTS AND PREJUDICE
    [sdavis]

    35. A CLOCKWORK KHAKI [peterb]

    34. STAR WARS, EPISODE V: THE GAP STRIKES BACK [peterb]

    33. PANTZER BLITZ. [baird]

    32. THE ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS PANTS [norm.z]

    31. CAT IN NO PANTS
    [sdavis]

    30. THE MAN WITH NO PANTS [shafeeq]

    29. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a pair of jeans hugging
    a human ass — forever. [peterb]

    28. SHORTSCUTS [goob]

    27. PANTSLESS IN SEATTLE. [baird]

    26. “Call me Levi.” [peterb]

    25. “My god, it’s full of pants!”
    [sdavis]

    24. “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself
    transformed into a giant zipper.”
    [peterb]

    23. “They were the best of pants. They were the worst of pants.” [tomault]

    22. “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano
    Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to
    discover denim.”
    [peterb]

    21. “You can wear pants if you want to, you can leave your pants behind. But
    if you wear pants, and your friends wear pants, then you’re no pants of mine”
    [sdavis]

    20. “Of all the pants in the world, she had to walk into mine” [shafeeq]

    19. Little Lord Corduroy. [baird]

    18. “In the beginning was the Slack.” [peterb]

    17. “Midway upon the road of our life I found myself within some dark pants,” [goob]

    16. Young CalvinKlein [baird]

    15. Doogie Trouser, M.D. [rlink]

    14. Weathering Tights [baird]

    13. Crocodile Dungarees [rlink]

    12. The Clother [baird]

    11. “Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor pants.” [peterb]

    10. Merry Pantless, Mr. Lawrence [baird]

    9. “I say God damn, God damn the Pedal-Pusher man.” [rlink]

    8. Someone must have been telling lies about Josef K., he knew he had
    done nothing wrong but, one morning, he was pantsed.
    [tmwong]

    7. I pantsed a man in Reno, just to watch him dress. [agroce]

    6. Little Pants, Big Pants [baird]

    5. Big Trousers in Little Chinos-town [rlink]

    4. THE FLY [psu]

    3. THE FLY: REOPENED [psu]

    2. The Good, the Plaid and the Ugly. [baird]

    1. PANTS: INTERRUPTED [psu]

 

18 Responses to “You Can Never Be Too Rich, Or Have Too Many Pants”

  1. The whole Dune series is ripe:

    Pants
    Pants Messiah
    Children of Pants
    God Emperor of Pants

  2. Adam Rixey says:

    Waders of the Lost Ark
    Invasion of the Khaki Snatchers
    Becoming Culottes
    Once Upon a Time in Chinos
    Blue Velvet Pants
    Steven Seagal is: Underpants Siege

    “I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his pants. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his pants.” – Gen. Pantton.

  3. --- says:

    How Stella got her Pants Back
    Riding in Cars with Pants
    Vanilla Pants
    Hunt for the Red Pants

  4. Phil says:

    Dude, Where’s My Pants?

    Dial M For Pants

    I love the smell of pants in the morning. Smells like victory.

    One in the pants is worth two in the bush.

    Don’t count your chickens before they’re pants.

    Monty Python’s Flying Pants

    Rocky Horror Picture Pants

  5. Neil says:

    Some Poe…

    Fall of the House of Pants
    Tell-tale Pants
    Pants of the Red Death

  6. Herr Krufers says:

    I like those “Tell-tale Pants”, it sounds so… evocative.

  7. Tim F says:

    The Mote in God’s Pants
    Nine Princes in Jodhpurs
    Speaker for the Denims
    The Cutoffs of Our Discontent
    The Once and Future Bell Bottoms
    The Canterbury Skivvies
    Brave New Hotpants
    Capris Courageous
    Jurassic Pantaloons
    On the Y-Front
    The Handmaid’s Bloomers
    If on a Winter’s Night Some Culottes
    Uncle Tom’s Chaps
    Dungareenetics
    Knickeronomicon
    Rise and Fall of the Roman Pants

    “So we beat on, pants against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the dryer”
    “Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether the station will be held by anybody else, these lederhosen must show.”
    “I will not be pantsed, fit, stripped, costumed, briefed, debriefed, or haberdashed. I am not a clothes horse. I AM A FREE MAN!”
    “Take some more pants,” the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. “I have no pants yet,” Alice replied in an offended tone: “so I ca’n't take more.” “You mean you ca’n't take less,” said the Hatter: “it’s very easy to take more than no pants.”

  8. Doug says:

    The Joy of Pants.

  9. Alex Groce says:

    Hold your pants. Just what’s so execrable about Lewis?

  10. Alex Groce says:

    I mean — I can understand hating _That Hideous Strength_ (though I thought it was about Merlin kicking the asses of evil scientists, with Jesus pretty seriously off stage, but my memory may be faulty), which is hardly his best book. But there’s really little reason to hate Lewis even if he wrote a few off books, unless you’re a thin-skinned prick stunting for publicity like Pullman, who should (and could) stand on the merits of his own writing.

  11. psu says:

    As usual, Alex completely misses the core point of the exercise, and gets off on some tangent driven by his own sense of personal offense.

    Hint: no one cares about C.S. Lewis.

    Also…

    The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and His Pants

  12. zp says:

    The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Pants

  13. zp says:

    Also popular with the grad students, “A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of Pants.”

  14. Herr Krufers says:

    So, going back to all this Lewis-hating business, how about “The Pant, the Iron and the Wardrobe”?
    °That title finally makes sense!

  15. Nougat says:

    To Pants a Mockingbird
    It’s a Pants Pants Pants Pants World
    Pants by Pantswest
    Wizard of Pants
    Pants Without a Cause
    Henry: Portrait of a Serial Pantser

  16. jean05 says:

    Great material. Don’t forget the classic by Andy Overalls’ Velvet Underpants: I’m Waiting for My Pants.

  17. untulis says:

    I find your lack of pants disturbing…